Twilight: The Review: Part the Second

Well, I’ve now finished reading Twilight and all I have to say is WHAT THE F#&%! Between the poorly-executed lovey-dovey crap (“I love you more!” “No I love you more because I’m being selfish and putting your life at risk just because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!”), Edward’s abusive behavior (calling her stupid constantly? Flinging her around like a backpack? Stalking her in her sleep? Bella, get thee to a shelter! Your dad’s a cop, you should know better!), the absolutely ludicrous fight scene (Ok, so you don’t even try to fight back, Bella? You’re not brave, you’re suicidal), the hackneyed and poorly crafted plot (Bella-obsessed vampires of the world, unite!), vampire prom (seriously, Bella, I would have loved to have had someone take me to the prom when I was a teenager), and the two or three chapter long, unresolved argument over whether or not Bella should become Queen of Darkness (a completely immature argument, too, I might add — no attempt at compromise at all), I just want to throw the book at the wall.

One note: for all the utter crappiness of the book from page 280 or so onwards (a really steep dive, too, by the way, and it just got worse after the plot showed up on page 378), it could have been saved at the end. If, say, Edward hadn’t sucked out the venom, it could have made an interesting ending, with Bella starting out her new life. Or if she and Edward just agreed that she wouldn’t be changed until she turned 18 or 21 or something, and then if she still wanted it she could be, then that would have been a suitable conclusion. But the book didn’t end, it just stopped. The epilogue darn near seemed extraneous, just rambling on without adding to the conclusion of the book.

Another note: Edward breaking up with Tyler for Bella, without consulting her? Seriously, this guy is beyond controlling! If Edward is Stephanie Meyers’ ideal man, then I shudder to think what her family life is like.

Also: I don’t think I’ve seen a book swandive that quickly, ever. It wasn’t great, but it descended to hideous depths really rapidly.

Last note: In a vampire novel, you do not wait until page 414 to explain how vamps are made. The whole fabric of what a vampire is rests on that simple piece of information. You don’t hold out on it — it just weakens the backbone of your story.

Advertisements

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://foolserrant.wordpress.com/2009/02/11/twilight-the-review-part-the-second/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: